he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
