He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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