So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
