It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
