My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
