peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The adults are the big ones right?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
