Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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