i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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