YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
