Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
