I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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