He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
