He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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