Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
