who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
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