I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Is Oprah even human
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
