We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
