Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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