allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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