Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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