i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
