can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
