My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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