"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I need water and some morals
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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