Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We are all done wearing pants today
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
