That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Never underestimate the power of titties
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