I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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