I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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