It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
