If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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