Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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