he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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