I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
