so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
