You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
