I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
