i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
