Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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