Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
