If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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