can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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