I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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