I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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