Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
