If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
