My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
