You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
