he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
