For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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