I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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